


i'll see you when i fall asleep

by lukeyandlou



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Planning Adventures, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Running Away, Sharing a Bed, Soft Richie Tozier, because i wanted to write some angst for them, gay pining, teen reddie, this is mostly cute but it has a sad part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24152947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeyandlou/pseuds/lukeyandlou
Summary: Richie and Eddie decide that they're going to run away together on Eddie's eighteenth birthday. But they must go on five adventures first.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 24
Kudos: 40





	i'll see you when i fall asleep

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this story means so much to me and I've been planning it for like seven months so I'm really happy to be releasing it comments would mean the absolute world to me!

_ Wednesday, June 3rd _

The stars danced above him over a purple night, the moonlight showering over his path, but all he could see was the grey of the cloud that lingered in the corner of the sky. 

He looked at the cloud for a second, and then snapped over to grab his bike, shaking it a little before jumping on and pedaling fast. 

Fast, fast, faster. 

The pebbles of the road shook with his tires as he zoomed through the street, vacant of cars from the late hour, and he kept his eyes to what was in front of him but he could still feel the gray from that June cloud staring down at him.

Tears slid down his cheeks, swiped away from the breeze as he rode faster, riding as fast as his legs could carry him. He pushed down a sniffle to tighten his grip on the handles, leaning forward in the slightest to increase his speed. 

Finally, just as the streetlights began to dim, he reached his destination. He rode up the driveway of the house, pushing the brakes of his bike and jumping off, and made his way to the window. 

He knocked, timidly at first, careful not to wake anyone else, and he was thankful that his friend slept on the bottom floor. 

He knocked again, and then he heard the window crack open. 

“Eds?” Richie said, his hair hanging over his face and his voice low, and Eddie knew he had been sleeping. Guilt consumed him and he considered turning around, but he was still crying and now that he had gotten there he couldn’t stop. 

“Eds? What’s wrong?” Richie’s voice became more alert, fear in his eyes. “What happened? Are you hurt?” 

“Can I come in?” Eddie asked. His face glistened in the moonlight from his tears, and even though summer was coming, the wind against his bare arms made him shiver. 

“C’mon,” Richie said, sliding the screen off the window and standing back, reaching out his hand. Eddie took it, swinging his leg over the window sill, and jumped onto the carpet as Richie put the screen back on, closing it so Eddie would be safe from the wind. 

Richie kneeled down, facing where Eddie was sitting. “Eds?”

Eddie looked into Richie’s face for a second, and in the moment that he looked into his eyes, he felt warm enough to cry.

He sobbed and his body shook, like he was finally letting out all of the tears he had been holding for so long. Richie leaned closer and wrapped his arms around him, and he pressed his face into his t-shirt. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” Richie soothed, rushing his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “I’ve got you. You’re safe. You can tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

Eddie continued to cry for a while, focusing on the beat of his friend’s heart against his ear. Each beat calmed him down a little, and soon he was able to sit back up to look at him. 

“It’s my mom,” he said. “She found my journal.” 

Richie moved his hand down to squeeze Eddie’s, letting him know he could continue. 

“She found out about me. And she’s always been so horrible to me, I know that, but tonight was so bad. She was screaming and crying and cornering me, and the things she said,” Eddie wiped away another loose tear, “She made me feel like I was nothing.” 

Richie hugged Eddie again, resting his chin over Eddie’s head. Eddie hated it when Richie had a growth spurt, when he could tease Eddie all he wanted about not growing as tall as he did, but in that moment he was grateful for the way it made them fit together. 

“I can’t stand it anymore, Richie,” Eddie said, “She’s eating me alive. She’s going to destroy me.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Richie told him. 

“How?” Eddie asked, “There’s no way to stop her. I can sneak away when she falls asleep all I want, but I always have to go back. I’m always going back.” 

“Eddie, I won’t let that happen,” Richie repeated, and moved to look him in the eye. Eddie looked at him, and he wasn’t crying anymore, but he was confused. 

Richie turned to look at the dresser for a second, then back to Eddie, like he was pondering. Then, he spoke. “What if I told you I could get you out of here?” 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked, “How would you do that?” 

Richie moved up and crawled on his knees to the dresser, opening it and pulling out an envelope. Then he brought it back to Eddie, pouring the contents onto the carpet. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie said, “How do you have all that money?” 

“I’ve saved up every check since I started working at the arcade,” Richie smiled in pride, Eddie brushing his fingers over the bills. “I’ve almost got enough for the car I want!”

“Are you offering me to live in your car?” Eddie half-smiled, his tear stains fading away. 

“Maybe, if we run out of hotels to crash,” Richie said, “Because you and I are going to run away.” 

“Run away?” Eddie asked. The concept sounded like a dream, a distant reality he could never reach, but Richie never said things he didn’t mean. 

“Run away,” Richie repeated, “Because I’ve just got the absolute  _ best _ idea, and when I say the best, I mean the _ best _ .” 

Richie reached at the desk again, this time pulling down a notebook and pen, opening to a blank page. 

“An idea crazier than running away?” Eddie asked. 

“Your eighteenth birthday is on July 10,” Richie said, “Today is June 3rd. That gives us five weeks. If I work overtime, I’ll have enough for both the car and some extra funds for our new life!” 

“So we’re just supposed to drop everything?” Eddie asked, “What about our friends? Your parents? Where are we going to stay? And where? In Maine? Somewhere else?” 

“Eds, I’ve got a car lined up nice enough to drive to California,” Richie said, “Our friends and my parents will understand. And we won’t be saying goodbye to them forever. Just for a little bit.” 

“So we’re going hotel hopping until we get a place?” Eddie asked. 

“Probably,” Richie said, “I’ve been building a little credit since I turned eighteen and got a job. If you work over there and I do too, we could manage.” 

Eddie looked to the window, letting this sink in. Running away seemed absolutely unfathomable. It was a trainwreck waiting to happen, and it was terrifying. 

“Okay,” he said, his voice small. It  _ was _ terrifying. It was unrealistic. It was going to fall apart. 

But there was a chance it would work. 

“But that’s not all,” Richie smirked, tapping the pen against the paper. “We’re going to start off our new lives as an adventure. Because that’s how we’re gonna live now, you and me. As an adventure. So we’re going to write a list of things to do between when we leave in July and the start of September, when we have to get our shit together. An adventure list.” 

Eddie was nervous, his fingers tingling and a pit sinking in the bottom of his stomach. But his heart was fast and he was just short of eighteen and he wanted to start off his new life right. 

“What kind of adventures did you have in mind?” Eddie said. 

“Well, we’ve got all the way from here to California,” Richie said, “And I don’t want you worried about money here. I can make enough money. C’mon, Eds. Shoot me your best.” 

“I want to go to the beach,” Eddie said, “In California.” 

“We could do that,” Richie smiled, writing it down, “But only if you promise to wear your cutest bikini.” 

“Fuck off,” Eddie rolled his eyes, but he smiled. “Your turn.” 

“We’re gonna go to a concert,” he said, “I don’t know what concert yet, but it’ll be a rock band we’ve never heard of. And we’ll wear flannels and ripped jeans. It’d be a good look on you.” 

“Concerts are loud and dirty,” Eddie said, “I guess you’d fit right in.” 

“If you put up with me when I’m so loud and dirty, you’ll put up with the concert too,” Richie started to write it down, “I know you wanna wear the ripped jeans.” 

“Fine,” Eddie smiled, “If we get to go to Disneyland.” 

“Fuck yeah,” Richie said, “We’ll eat popcorn until we throw up and then get on the spinning rides and throw up again.” 

“That’s disgusting,” Eddie scrunched his nose, “I love it.” 

“Would you be down for matching tattoos?” Richie said, in a tone that could play it off as a joke if Eddie declined. 

Eddie thought for a moment. His mom hated tattoos, and she hated Richie. 

“I’m down for matching tattoos,” he smirked, because his new life was starting soon, he was making an adventure list with his favorite person in the world and the scarier something sounded, the  _ better _ . 

They spent the rest of the night thinking of new ideas, getting more ridiculous as they continued, but Eddie knew damn right that Richie kept his promises, and they were going to do every single one of them. He was laughing, and Richie was too, and he didn’t feel like nothing anymore. 

“Okay, we’re going to make three promises,” Richie said, “And we can’t break these promises. No matter what.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said, and Richie leaned closer to him. 

“The promise that we are going to run away, and start our lives together from here on over,” he said, “The promise that we are going to do every single thing on this list, and the promise that this will stay between the two of us.” 

“I promise,” Eddie said, and he meant it. 

“Pinky promise?” Richie reached his pinkie out. Eddie shook his head and interlocked it with his. 

“Pinky promise.” 

“Oh, and that’s not all,” Richie said. “Starting this Friday, and every Friday until your birthday, we’re going to go on an adventure here. An adventure we could do in Derry. It’s our way of warming up to our adventure list, and saying goodbye to this life in a good way.”

“What kind of adventures could we come up with in this shitty town?” Eddie asked. 

“I’ll surprise you,” Richie winked. 

“Okay, Rich,” Eddie said, “Our adventuring awaits.” 

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” Richie asked. 

“Yes,” Eddie said. 

Richie nodded, putting the money and notebook away and pulling back the blankets on the bed. “C’mon Eds,” he said, “Make sure you leave room for Baby.” 

“I don’t know why you keep this shitty thing around,” Eddie laughed, picking up the teddy bear. “Its eye is popped out and it's covered in stitch marks.” 

“How dare you shame Baby for his surgery scars! Take it back at once!” Richie switched off the light, jumping into the bed next to Eddie. 

“Alright, my deepest apologies to Baby,” Eddie said. 

“Now, give him a kiss to make him feel better,” Richie said. 

“I’ll pass,” Eddie said. 

“Fine,” Richie said, grabbing the bear and giving it a kiss on the nose. “One day, you’ll give Baby the love he needs.” 

“Sure I will,” Eddie rolled over, tucking himself into the blanket. “Goodnight, Rich.” 

Richie waited a second, and then leaned over, wrapping his arm around Eddie and resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay, Eds,” Richie said to him, “I’ve got you. Always.” 

Eddie smiled, and wrapped his arm over Richie’s, snuggling into him. 

“I know you do.”

_ Friday, June 5th _

Eddie rode his bike on the first Friday night of June, the first Friday night of theirs. The sky was more clear tonight than it was last Wednesday, a single star resting in the corner where that gray cloud had been, and the air was warm enough not to wear a sweater. 

The pebbles of the road flew by as the tires zipped over the pavement, but it wasn’t as sloppily as it was on Wednesday. He didn’t have tears in his eyes, and he was not riding out of despair. He had an eager smile on his face, riding just as fast as he had been, but because he was feeling something like overjoyed. 

The house came clearer into vision and he slowed down, stopping his ride when the bottoms of his sneakers touched the sidewalk, and just as he promised, Richie was waiting for him. 

“Really? You’re bringing that?” Eddie asked, as Richie had his bear tucked into the front of his bike. 

“You know, Baby really doesn’t appreciate your verbal harassment and discrimination,” Richie pouted, “Look, you’re making him sad.” 

Eddie shook his head, stroking the bear’s head. “I guess he could be cute, in a fucked up way.” 

“Like me,” Richie winked, “It’s why we’re the best of friends.” 

“I do see the resemblance,” Eddie held out the bear next to Richie, “But he’d look better if you put him in the washing machine.” 

“Then his eyes might fall off!” Richie said, “He’s been through so many surgeries already, I’m scared one more and he’ll finally be at the end of his rope…” 

“Fine,” Eddie tucked the bear back into the front of the bike, “This fucked up dirty kind of cute thing comes with us. Where are we going?” 

“Just follow me, Eds,” Richie said, “Me, you and Baby have some fun to get to.” 

Richie made sure his backpack was adjusted and jumped back on his bike, and Eddie followed. They rode through the roads of the neighborhood and then onto the big street, under the streetlights that led to a sleeping city, and then to the other side of the corner store at the park. 

After heading into the park a little and reaching the grass, they jumped off their bikes and Richie threw off his backpack. 

“Hold your hand out,” Richie told him. 

“Last time I did that, you put a frog in my hand,” Eddie said. 

“And was it not one of the best decisions of your life?” Richie asked. 

“It wasn’t. That frog jumped up my arm and you laughed at me!” Eddie crossed his arms. 

“Okay, okay, no froggie in sight this time,” Richie said, reaching into his bag. “I promise.” 

“Fine,” Eddie held out his hand, “It better not be fucking disgusting, or I’m not hanging out with you ever again.” 

“Here it is!” Richie said, reaching into a little box and putting the contents in Eddie’s grasp.

“Richie, what the fuck?!” Eddie exclaimed, “Where’d you get fucking fireworks?” 

“My dad gave them to me last year!” he smiled in pride, “I was just waiting for the right moment to use them and this is the right moment, don’t you think?” 

“These are illegal!” Eddie said, “They’re fucking loud, too. We’re gonna get caught.” 

“Not if we ride away fast enough, we won’t,” Richie winked.

“I don’t know, Rich,” Eddie said, “It sounds scary.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” Richie asked. 

“Maybe,” Eddie sighed. 

“Here,” Richie said, “We’ll start with the little ones. Sparklers! They don't make any noise.” 

He put his bag down and pulled two sparklers out. “Just hold it and I’ll light it. It won’t shoot off or anything.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said, taking the sparkler between two fingers. Richie pulled a lighter out of his pocket, and Eddie had always been afraid of fire but there was no way he could be scared when Riche had that little concentrated look on his face as he lit it, and Eddie learned that no matter what was happening, no matter how dark or scary, being able to look at Richie while it happened made it okay. 

Growing up and running away was scary. But if he got to look at Richie as he woke up every morning, it would be okay. 

He heard friends weren’t supposed to feel that way about friends. But the world didn’t know him and Richie. Him and Richie were different. 

The sizzle of the sparkler shook him out of his thoughts, and he jumped back a little as it went off.

“Not so bad, right?” Richie asked him. 

He held the sparkler out a little bit and looked at the flickering, and the glow of the sparks that radiated from it gave just enough light for him to see every detail in Richie’s smile, and he felt okay.

“I’ve never had one of these before,” Eddie said, “My mom never let me. She said I would burn my fingers.” 

“And that is exactly why I am in your life,” Richie smiled, “To show you what life is.” 

“Life is sparklers at the park past midnight with your best friend and a beat up teddy bear?” Eddie asked. 

“Exactly, Eds,” Richie said, “That’s exactly what life is.” 

Eddie moved his hand a little to watch the sparks chase the air, while Richie lit a sparkler of his own. 

“It’s pretty,” Eddie said, just under his breath, but then Richie had his sparkler lit, and he got reminded that he absolutely was at the park with the most annoying and perfect person in the world. 

“I’ll chase you!” Richie said, and just before he lunged forward, Eddie was already pacing through the trees. 

“Get away from me! We’re going to trip and burn ourselves!” Eddie turned back, but he kept running, whipping around his sparkler in the wind, and he could hear Richie’s laughter behind him and he was starting to laugh too. 

He ran along the hill and through the flowers, but Richie just wouldn’t give up. The sparkler was starting to fizz out, and there was not much more of the park he could run to, but he didn’t give up either. 

“Alright, alright!” Richie called out, stopping to catch his breath. “You’re too fast, way too fast for your own good. No one should be that fast, really!” 

“If I’m so fast, then maybe you shouldn’t start chasing me with a deadly weapon!” Eddie laughed, “But I wasn’t even going that fast. Maybe you should get in shape.” 

“Ouch!” Richie said, “A wound straight to the heart. I provide you with mini explosives and what do I get in return?” 

“You can ask Baby to kiss it better,” Eddie said, “I’m sure he’d be happy to help.” 

“How about you kiss it better?” Richie pouted. 

“Shut up,” Eddie laughed, “The best you’re getting is a push on the swing.” 

“I’ll take it!” Richie said, “Let’s go!” 

Before he could answer, Richie had already taken him by the wrist and was pulling him along to the playground, nearly tripping him over the step. 

“Push me!” Richie said, jumping onto the swing. 

“Rich, you’re going to break it!” Eddie said, but he grabbed the chains as Richie sat on it. 

“Not true!” Richie said, “You said you’d push me on the swing.” 

Eddie usually would’ve scoffed. “ _ Fine _ ,” he would have said. But life looked too good for anything like that right now. “Okay,” he smiled. 

Eddie was stronger than he looked, and for a tall person, Richie didn’t weigh very much, so with just a few pushes Richie was good into the air. Eddie stepped back a little, Richie’s lanky legs kicking into the air. 

Eddie jumped onto the swing next to him, and soon he was flying just as high, and his attention changed from his shoe laces bouncing in the air to his right where Richie was swinging, and Richie had his eyes closed and a light smile on his face. He was happy.  _ Oh god,  _ Eddie thought,  _ Am I happy?  _

He looked at Richie a little longer before looking forward, and he closed his eyes too. Because maybe it was true. Maybe that was what it felt like to be happy.

“How far do you think I could jump?” Richie asked. 

“Richie, I swear to god,” Eddie said, “You jump and you’re going to break your arm, and we’re going to have to explain why we were at the park in the middle of the night!” 

“I’ll just walk it off,” Richie said, “I’m gonna jump in three. One...two…” 

“Richie!” Eddie protested, but Richie was sending himself off the swing, landing on his feet. 

“See!” Richie cheered, “I have been swing jumping for my entire life, it’s a natural born talent. Now, you try!” 

“If I break every bone in my body, you’re going to pay for my medical bills,” Eddie said. 

“I’ll catch you!” Richie held his arms out, “I’ll kiss your knee if you scrape it.” 

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t want to fall.” 

“I won’t let you fall, Eds,” Richie told him, “I never ever would.” 

“You promise?” Eddie asked. 

“I promise.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said, and he scrunched his nose and took a breath and jumped. 

Richie  _ did  _ catch him, but Eddie had gotten bigger lately and he was swinging super fast so his weight brought them both down, Eddie laying over Richie on the floor. 

“Jesus fuck, Rich, are you okay?” Eddie asked him, still laying on top. “I probably broke all your ribs!” 

“Ribs still intact, check,” Richie said, “I promised I’d catch you.” 

“You’re going to get yourself killed making promises like that,” Eddie said, and Richie reached up to move a piece of Eddie’s hair out of his eye.  _ They were very special friends _ . 

“I’m down with that,” Richie said, “If it keeps you from falling.” 

This was too close. This was starting to get scary. 

_ But, god, did this feel like happiness! _

Eddie rolled off of him, stepping up and pulling Richie up with him. Richie dusted off his pants and looked at the trees, and he’s hoping he didn’t go too far; get too deep, say too much.

“So,” Richie said, and maybe it was awkward, but it wasn’t. He could never feel anything short of bliss when he was with Eddie, even if he was terrified. “How about those firecrackers?” 

Eddie knew they would get into trouble. But maybe the trouble was worth it. Maybe it was worth it if it meant he could see that smile again. If it meant he could be happy. “Okay.” 

They walked back to the bikes and Richie’s backpack, where Baby was guarding the fireworks. Richie pulled one out and Eddie started to get nervous. He was so nervous. But it was a good nervous. A nervous that made him feel like he was living. 

“I’m gonna need you to hold this one so I can light it,” Richie said, “Can you do that?” 

“Yes,” Eddie answered. He didn’t even quite realize this yet, but he’d do anything for Richie. Even run away with him. 

“Okay, so, point it towards the sky, but at this exact angle so it goes right up into the sky and doesn’t hit anything else,” Richie said, putting the firework in Eddie’s hand and tilting it. Eddie nodded, and maybe he should be looking down at the thing that just may blow his fucking fingers off, but he wasn’t. He was looking at Richie. Why did he keep looking at Richie? He couldn’t explain why, but he couldn’t stop looking. He was looking and thinking about how they were going to run away; how he was going to be looking at him forever. He was going to spend every day with him, and suddenly, it was hard to understand how he had ever spent a day without him. 

“Eds?” Richie asked, and he snapped back to reality, gazing at where their fingers touched, wrapped around the firework. 

“Yes,” he said, “I got it.” 

“Sick,” Richie said, pulling out the lighter, “This is gonna look so fucking cool.” 

Eddie held it up as it fizzled and then  _ bang!  _

“Oh my fucking god!” Eddie exclaimed, “I just held a fucking firecracker!” 

“You did, Eds!” Richie put his hands on his shoulder, “You shot off a fucking firecracker.” 

“Let’s do it again,” Eddie said, and they did. 

And again, and again. 

And then, there were sirens. 

“Someone ratted!” Richie exclaimed, “Come on Eds, we’ve got to bounce!” 

Eddie knew this would happen, so he wasn’t too scared. In fact, he was laughing. It was fucking hilarious. He was getting on his bike, pedalling as fast as he could to get away from the fire department after shooting off goddamn firecrackers in the park with Richie Tozier. It was his life now. And it was happiness. 

_ Friday, June 12th  _

Eddie sat on the grass of Richie’s front yard, tapping his foot against the grass. He was playing with the strings of his new shorts with one hand and lightly tapping his thigh with the other, and he felt a rush that he had never felt before. It wasn’t the kind of rush you would get from a rollercoaster, or cutting your hair off for the first time. It wasn’t a rush you get from facing your fears either. It was somewhere in between excitement and anxiety - anticipation, maybe? He wasn’t sure. But he hadn’t felt it before. 

When Richie finally started to emerge from the house into the yard, the rush wavered into a sense of calming. Not quite serenity, not quite relief. Maybe something like comfort. 

“Hey Eds!” Richie still had energy in his voice, as he always did, but it was slightly faltered. 

“You okay?” Eddie asked, because Richie was starting to get little dark circles under his eyes. 

Richie smiled. “I’m A-OK, don’t need to worry about old me. I’m just a little tired.”

“You sure?” Eddie asked, and Richie kneeled down to him. 

“Of course I’m sure,” Richie smiled, “I’m always okay.” 

Eddie frowned. Richie was comforting him, and he hated it. Eddie wasn’t supposed to be the one comforted when Richie was the one who looked like he hadn’t slept in days. 

“I’m just tired Eds, I promise,” Richie said, and Eddie cursed himself for gazing too long. He didn’t want to upset him. 

“How have you been sleeping?” Eddie asked. 

“Fine, Eds, I swear,” Richie said, resting his hand on Eddie’s knee. “I’ve just been working a whole lot of hours, is all.” 

“I don’t want you to overwork yourself, Rich,” Eddie said, “If this is too much it’s okay, we don’t have to go right at my birthday-”

“Yes we do,” Richie said, “A promise is a promise, right?” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Eddie sighed.

Richie leaned in a little, and Eddie’s heart nearly stopped. But just before their noses could touch, Richie rested his forehead against his, swiping his thumb over Eddie’s knee. 

“It’s okay, Eds. I’m gonna get us out of here, and it’ll all be worth it. I could sleep all I want on the shitty twin mattress we share in our studio apartment.” 

“Yeah?” Eddie asked, just above a whisper. 

“Yeah.” 

Eddie wanted to put his hand on top of Richie’s, to stroke his fingertips over his skin, to hold him tight. But he didn’t. 

Richie stood up, breaking their contact. “Enough of all that, we’ve got an adventure to go on, do we not?” 

“What laws are we breaking today?” Eddie asked. 

“A whole new one,” Richie helped him up, “But less likely to blow a limb off.” 

“How considerate,” Eddie dusted the grass off his legs, heading to his bike. 

“Wait!” Richie said, “Uh, do you think you wanna ride on my bike today?” 

Eddie turned to him, and there was a look on Richie that was new to him.  _ Vulnerable _ . 

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie replied. Richie smiled, grabbing his bike and standing it up. 

Baby was sitting in the basket again, and there was another loose thread coming out of his head. Eddie shook his head and smiled, and maybe, in some rare occurrence, he would feel affection for that bear one day. 

“Come on,” Richie said, “You could hold onto me, if you want.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said.  _ Vulnerable. _

Richie began to ride through the night, Eddie’s arms around his waist, his cheek resting against his back. Eddie let his eyes drift to the passing city, admiring the way the lights glowed, and then he closed his eyes for a bit, focusing on the warmth of Richie’s body, and maybe he held on a little bit tighter. 

“Here we are!” Richie announced, snapping Eddie out of his daze. 

“The public pool?” Eddie asked. 

“Breaking into the public pool at midnight,” Richie smiled, “Haven’t you always wanted to do it?” 

Eddie was thinking. He was thinking a lot. 

That water was probably freezing. Trespassing could get him arrested. His mom would kill him if she found out. 

Usually, he would be ranting right now, calling his friend completely and absolutely insane, but he couldn’t. He could only think about holding onto him riding through the city, his hand resting on his knee, his forehead touching his. 

His mom may have made him feel so weak, but Richie made him feel so brave. 

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled, “I have.”

“Off we go then!” Richie said, “Baby is going to have to sit this one out.” 

“Tragic, really,” Eddie said as they set the bike off to the side. 

They squeezed through the crack of the fence, and there it was. The city pool, placid under the moonlight. 

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my clothes wet,” Richie said, throwing his clothes and glasses to the side. 

“Aren’t we gonna be cold?” Eddie asked. 

“I don’t know, let’s find out,” Richie said. 

Eddie followed, and once he was also standing in just his underwear, the cold of the cement under his feet, he was ready. 

“Do we have to not be loud or something? Like, no jumping, or-”

“Fuck that,” Richie said, “Let’s go!” 

Richie swooped Eddie up and ran to the deep end, leaping into the water. 

They swam up to the surface, and Eddie quickly threw his wet hair out of his face and punched Richie in the shoulder. “Asshole! What if I wanted to gradually get used to it, huh? This water is fucking cold!” 

Richie laughed, flipping his hair over. “There is no gradual when it comes to cold ass water. You jump all the way in, or you don’t at all.” 

“Fuck you,” Eddie laughed, and splashed at Richie’s face. 

“Oh, so we’re doing that now?” Richie asked, “Okay. I can do that.” 

He splashed an even bigger wave at Eddie, showering completely over his face. Eddie splashed back, and suddenly they were practically drowning in the water being thrown at them, and they  _ definitely  _ were not being quiet. 

“Alright, alright! I give up, you win!” Richie shielded himself. 

“Damn right I win!” Eddie said, and dipped under the water. Richie followed him, and soon enough they were both under the water, looking straight at each other. 

Eddie looked at Richie deeply, and his features were a bit blurry from being underwater, but he was  _ him.  _ He could look at him forever, maybe. He would drown in this water if it meant he never had to look away. 

Oh no. 

Eddie pushed himself back to the surface, coughing a little from holding his breath too long. Richie swam up as well, and he lightly grasped Eddie’s arm. 

“You okay?” Richie asked. 

In a burst of bravery, Eddie moved his hand to rest on top of Richie’s, tucking his fingers under his palm. “Yes. You?” 

“Yes,” Richie said, squeezing Eddie’s arm.

They swam for a while longer, and Eddie was happy. Something in between having fun and feeling euphoric. Having fun because he had just broken into a public pool with his best friend, feeling euphoric because he has come to the realization that he gets to look at Richie for the rest of his life. 

_ Friday, June 19th _

Eddie sat against his window, resting his chin in his palms with his elbows leaned over the sill, his eyes focused on the street below him. Silence sat through the road, not even the slightest breeze to comfort him. He hated it. 

He closed his eyes and tried to place himself in Richie’s bed, or at the park, or at the pool, anywhere where he could hear Richie. His laugh, his voice,  _ him.  _ Richie was never quiet. This silence he sat in was just reinforcing the fact that Richie wasn’t here. 

He was late. 

Eddie sighed, tapping his fingers against his desk. He  _ knew  _ he shouldn’t have agreed to this. Sure, it would be nice for Richie to pick him up, but now he had to  _ wait.  _ He had to wait with no way of knowing how long he was going to take, or how far away he was, or if- 

No. Something hadn’t happened along the way. 

_ What if it had?  _ _   
_ Just as his hands started to shake in nervousness, the silence broke. 

The sound of a bike pedalling his way. He smiled, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and made his way out the window. Just as he ran up his yard, Richie’s bike pulled up. 

“What took you so long?” Eddie asked. 

“Sorry Eds, I had to get our goods for tonight,” Richie replied, “You worried about me or something?” 

“No,” Eddie answered, “Maybe.” 

Richie stood off of his bike, cupping Eddie’s chin. ”No need to worry about me, okay? Not ever. I’ll always be okay. Even if I’m late sometimes, I’ll always still be coming. I’d never just leave you here, okay? Do you understand?” 

“Yes,” Eddie leaned into his hold in a moment of bravery, “Just don’t take so fucking long next time.” 

“You won’t be so bothered when you see the reason,” Richie winked, “Jump on.” 

Richie sat back on the bike, and Eddie settled behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist like he had the week before, and they were on their way. 

“You know, we’ve just got a couple weeks Eds!” Richie said as he rode, “A couple of weeks and I’ll be picking you up in my new car instead of this old thing. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” 

“So I’ll just throw my bags out the window and jump in your car one night and then we are suddenly gone and to never return?” Eddie asked. 

“Exactly,” Richie said, “Except it won’t just be any night! It’s your big day.” 

“It’s your big day too,” Eddie said, “You’re running away too. I want this to be about both of us.” 

“It is about us,” Richie said, “Seeing you happy is all I need, Eds. It’s all I need to be happy too.” 

Eddie blushed, resting his cheek against Richie’s back. Richie smiled, a warm feeling in his stomach from the warm feeling of Eddie resting against him, and he thought he could stay that way forever, riding along the road with Eddie holding on to him, feeling his warmth, making him happy. 

He smiled even bigger when he realized he  _ could.  _ They were going to live their lives together now. He was going to spend the rest of his life feeling him. 

“Alright, we’re here!” Richie announced once his bike pulled in. Eddie sat up, blinking at his surroundings. 

“We’re at the park again?” Eddie asked, “We’re really going to get ourselves arrested.” 

“Don’t worry,” he said, “We won’t be nearly as loud this time.” 

“It would be pretty tragic to spend my birthday in jail,” Eddie said, Richie riding towards a tree at the back of the park.    
“We could make it work,” Richie said, “We could get everyone in there to sing for you. It’ll be a pretty cool birthday party.” 

“Not with your singing, it won’t,” Eddie said, both of them jumping off the bike. 

“Lies,” Richie winked, “You daydream about me serenading you, standing out your window with a rose in my hand.” 

“I definitely do not,” Eddie said, “Not in a million years.” 

“Okay, okay, no singing. How about a dance?” Richie asked. 

“You don’t know how to dance,” Eddie said. 

“Maybe not,” Richie said, “But I’d figure it out to make all your school girl dreams come true.” 

“You’re disgusting,” Eddie said.

“You love me,” Richie said. 

_ Maybe so.  _

“So, what were your special goods that you took so fucking long to get?” Eddie asked instead. 

Richie smiled, throwing out his backpack. He pulled out a blanket, throwing it over the ground and settling Baby on it. The blanket was a bit dingy, some rips along the edges, but it fit in well with Baby and Richie. They all had some sort of a dingy look to them. It worked for them. 

“Sit down, Eds,” Richie said, “I just washed it so it's extra soft.” 

“We having a picnic or something like that?” Eddie asked. 

“Something like that,” Richie said, pulling a bottle out of the bag. 

“Whiskey? You brought fucking whiskey?” Eddie’s eyes widened, “Jesus Richie, where did you even get that? How did you even get that? Have you been drinking before? Richie, are you a drinker?” 

Richie laughed. “My parents love this stuff, we’ve got a stash in the garage. I just had to wait to make sure they were asleep before snatching one. They won’t even notice it’s gone.” 

Eddie reached over, letting his fingers lightly touch the bottle. He hadn’t put much thought into drinking either way. It just wasn’t something he thought about. 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Richie assured, “I brought Capri Suns too if you aren’t down-” 

“I’m down,” Eddie said, “I was just surprised, is all.” 

“Oh,” Richie said, “Okay. Okay, cool.” 

“Have you drank before?” Eddie asked. 

“Not enough to get drunk,” Richie answered, “I’ve tried this stuff. It’s honey flavored, so it’ll go down easier.” 

“Are we going to drink enough to get drunk?” Eddie asked. 

“Only if you want to,” Richie answered. 

“I want to,” Eddie replied. 

“Then we will,” Richie smiled, “And here, I’ve got some chips too. Don’t drink on an empty stomach. At least, that’s what I’ve heard my dad say.” 

“If I throw up, it’s on you,” Eddie said. 

“Alright, I take full responsibility,” Richie said, opening the bag of chips and shoving a handful in his mouth. 

“You’re so gross,” Eddie laughed, taking a few chips of his own. 

“You want me to have some first?” Richie asked, holding up the bottle. 

“I guess,” Eddie said, “Yeah.” 

“Remember, I can put it away at any time,” Richie said, opening it. 

Eddie nodded, and Richie put the bottle to his lips, taking a swig. He didn’t seem to have a bad reaction, so Eddie guessed that it wouldn’t be too bad. 

But when he passed Eddie the bottle and he drank, he started coughing the second the liquor entered his mouth. 

“You okay?” Richie laughed, resting his hand on Eddie’s thigh. 

“This is awful,” Eddie gagged. 

“You don’t want anymore?” Richie asked. 

“No, I can. I can get used to it,” Eddie said, and drank some again, just a tiny bit this time. When he could take a bit without wincing, he drank some more. 

“Well, would you look at that!” Richie said, “Eds could shoot whiskey.” 

“I guess it’s not that bad,” Eddie said, handing it back to Richie, who took a fairly big swig. 

“I bet you’re so cute when you’re drunk,” Richie said, “You’d laugh at all my jokes.” 

_ Dream on, Eddie might’ve said.  _ “We’ll see,” he said instead. 

“You know what, Eddie?” Richie said, drinking some more, “I think you think I’m hilarious.” 

Eddie took the bottle, drinking more too. “I think you’re an asshole.” 

“A hilarious asshole,” Richie said. 

“On a good day, maybe,” Eddie said, “I’ll give you that.” 

“I’ll take it,” Richie said, “And you know? I think you’re hilarious.” 

“Me?” Eddie laughed. 

“Yeah, you,” he said, “You’re funny without even trying.” 

“I don’t think so,” he said. 

“You’re so funny, Eds,” Richie said, “God, you might be my favorite person in the world.” 

Eddie blushed, taking another drink. “Really?” 

“Really,” Richie gazed at him. 

Eddie could’ve teased him.  _ You’re my least favorite,  _ he could have said. But he didn’t. 

“I didn’t think I was special enough to be anyone’s favorite person,” he said. 

“You’re my favorite,” Richie said, “I’ll tell you every day until you believe it.” 

“You’re drinking,” Eddie reminded him. 

“I’m not drunk yet,” Richie said, “And even if I was, I’d never say anything to you that I didn’t mean.” 

“So what will you tell me when you are drunk, huh?” Eddie smiled. 

“Let’s find out,” Richie said, drinking again. 

The time passed, the bottle losing more of its contents, and they had lost track of how much they had drank, really. Eddie was laying on the blanket, staring up at the leaves on the tree branches staring down at him. Their edges were a bit blurry, like everything he looked up at was spinning, but the stars were shining a bit brighter than before. 

“Richie?” Eddie said, turning to his friend. Richie was laying beside him, and he had already been looking at Eddie, his eyes dazed. 

“Yes, Eds?” he replied, quieter than usual. 

“I’m drunk,” Eddie said. 

Richie laughed, and Eddie hadn’t realized until now how cute it was. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and his smile was so bright. He wanted him to laugh again. 

“I know, Eds,” he said, “Me too.” 

“You have a cute laugh,” Eddie said, really fast and under his breath. 

“You’re drunk,” Richie reminded him, just as Eddie had said earlier. 

“No, I mean it!” Eddie rolled himself over to face Richie. “I promise.” 

Richie smiled, and Eddie leaned closer, resting his hand on Richie’s cheek. 

God, was he fucking drunk. But that didn’t mean that he was saying things he didn’t mean. It meant he was saying things he never had the bravery to say. 

“You promise?” Richie asked, insecurity in his voice. 

“I promise,” Eddie said, “I do think you’re hilarious, you know. You’re my favorite person too.” 

Richie held his hand up to rest over Eddie’s, still cupping his cheek. He looked like he might cry. 

“And for the record,” Eddie said, “If you danced with me, you would make all my school girl dreams come true.” 

“You want to dance with me?” Richie asked. 

“I do,” Eddie said, “We could dance now.” 

“We don’t have any music on.” 

“We don’t need it.” 

Richie smiled, and it took everything in him not to turn a bit and kiss Eddie’s hand. But he didn’t want to cross any lines. Didn’t want to go too far. “Okay.” 

Richie stood himself up, carefully to catch his balance. The world was throbbing and he felt invincible, but he knew it was just the liquor. But then he looked at Eddie, still laying down and looking up with him in adoration, and the liquor didn’t matter anymore. 

He bent down to help Eddie up, and he staggered as he attempted to stand. 

“Whoa, Eds,” Richie laughed, “Hold onto me, okay? I don’t want you to fall over.” 

Eddie threw his arms around Richie’s shoulders, trying to balance himself. 

“Richie?” Eddie said, leaning into his friend. 

“Yeah?” he answered, just above his breath. 

“I’m drunk.” 

“I know Eds,” Richie moved a strand of hair out of Eddie’s eyes, “Do you want to lay down?” 

“No,” Eddie said, “I want to dance with you.” 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Richie said. 

“You could never hurt me,” Eddie replied. 

Richie smiled, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist. They danced. 

It was awkward and slow, even more so because they were drunk off their minds and Eddie could barely stand. But they were gazing at each other, and everything else disappeared. 

Eddie giggled, holding Richie a little tighter. “You’re beautiful.” 

“Am I now?” Richie replied. 

“Yeah, like, I’m being serious,” Eddie said, “And I’m gonna tell  _ you  _ that every day until you believe it.” 

“It only matters if you think it, Eds,” he replied, “That’s all I care about.” 

“I want the world with you, Rich.” 

Richie raised one hand to rest under Eddie’s chin, his finger caressing his cheek. “I’ll give the whole world to you. I promise.” 

Eddie leaned into Richie’s touch, and they danced more. A little more stable than before, but still slow and careful. Eddie had his eyes closed, and Richie stared at him deeply, silent tears spilling out of his eyes. 

He just might love him. 

“Rich,” Eddie said. 

“Yeah, Eds?” Richie answered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. 

“I’m like, super fucked up.” 

“C’mon, Eds,” Richie laughed, wiping his tears away, “Let’s lay down. I have some water for you.” 

Richie helped Eddie down to the blanket, grabbing a water bottle from the bag and holding it to Eddie’s mouth. 

“It’s okay, Eddie,” he told him, “I’ve got you.” 

“Always?” 

“Always.” 

_ Friday, June 26th  _

This time, Richie was early. 

Eddie’s mom had just fallen asleep, and he was on his way to the window to wait for Richie when he was already standing outside. 

Richie smiled when he saw Eddie in the window, making Baby wave to him. Eddie rolled his eyes, opening the window and crawling out. 

“You’re here early,” Eddie said as he approached him. 

“Didn’t want to worry you this time,” Richie said. Eddie settled on the back of his bike, and as soon as Richie felt his arms around him he started to ride. 

“This one’s a little more out of the way than the other ones, so it might take a second to get there,” Richie told him. 

He felt Eddie nod. 

To be truthful, Eddie was a bit afraid that Richie would back out of this. He remembered everything he said when he was drunk, and he may have gone too far. Said too much. Scared him away.

But there Richie was, seeming even happier than usual. He hadn’t scared him at all. 

Eddie sighed in relief, resting his face against Richie’s back fondly. 

He stayed that way for the ride, and he almost could have fallen asleep. 

“We’re here!” Richie announced, and Eddie blinked himself back awake. 

“Whoa!” he exclaimed, “Rich, what it is?” 

“The highest point in town,” Richie said.

Eddie stepped off the bike and looked around. They were on the edge of a hill, the resting city staring back at them. He could see everything from there, and he wondered why he’d never been there before. 

“How’d you find this spot?” Eddie asked. 

“A guy at work was talking about it, so I came down this way after work the other day. I saw what he was talking about, but the path went up further so I found this hill. It’s even better, can you believe that?” Richie said. 

“It’s beautiful,” Eddie said, “What are we going to do here?” 

“I may have brought a few things,” Richie said, pulling out the bags. 

“What is it now, tequila? I don’t think it’d be smart to get wasted all the way up here,” Eddie laughed. 

“We’ll have plenty of time to get drunk at hotels when we leave,” Richie said, “If you can wait that long.” 

“Maybe I can,” Eddie laughed. “So what’s in there?” 

“The blanket’s back,” Richie said, pulling out the same ragged blanket from the park and setting it up on the hill. “And I washed it again. Extra soft.” 

“And what else?” Eddie asked, settling on the blanket. 

“Um, I made sandwiches,” Richie said, “They’re peanut butter and jelly, but I made sure to get strawberry jelly because I know you don’t like grape. And I cut some watermelon, I know it’s your favorite.” 

“We’re having a picnic?” Eddie asked. 

“I thought it’d be nice if we could have one up here,” Richie said, “It’s a great place to see all the stars. I thought you might like it. Oh, but, if it’s kind of weird or I’m being weird we can always turn around-” 

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie said, “I love it.” 

Richie smiled, sitting beside Eddie and taking out the bag. Eddie grabbed a sandwich and took a bite, looking up to the stars. 

The air was clear up there, so all of the stars were in sight, glowing down at him. He had never seen the sky like this, so vibrant and comforting, and he thought the world might be a good thing after all. 

Then he turned to Richie, who had already been looking at him. He didn’t notice until then how many light freckles were sun-kissed along his face, shining under the moonlight. They kind of looked like the stars, just as full of light and and just as beautiful. 

“I love it here,” Eddie said. He almost could call it  _ romantic _ . 

“I hope you do,” Richie looked down shyly, “I didn’t know if it was too lame compared to our last adventures.” 

“It’s perfect,” he said. There wasn’t any point in teasing anymore. There wasn’t any point in masking his feelings. He had seen Richie’s face when he was real with him, the adoration in his eyes, and he wanted to see it again. He wanted to see it forever. 

“I got a good check today,” Richie said, “A really good one.” 

“You should be, with all the hours you’re working,” Eddie said, “The others are sad that they never see you anymore, and I can’t even tell them we’re leaving soon. It kind of makes me feel bad.” 

“They’ll understand,” Richie said, “I know they will. They won’t even question it.” 

“I hope so,” Eddie sighed. 

“But hey, I got a good check!” Richie smiled, “I have a whole lot saved now. I’m going to get my car soon, and I’ll have everything ready by your birthday for sure.” 

“So, this is really happening,” Eddie said, taking a moment to think. In two weeks, he and Richie will be on the road, on the way to their new lives. In two weeks, he’ll be free of his mom and this town and everything else. It’ll just be him and Richie. Just Richie. 

“Yeah,” Richie said, “It really is.” 

“Are you scared?” Eddie asked. 

Richie smiled. “I’ll never be scared of anything as long as I have you there with me.” 

“You’re not scared of leaving your parents?” Eddie asked. 

“I won’t be leaving forever, and of course I’ll be keeping in touch,” Richie said, “I might miss them a little, but they’ll understand.” 

“I’m a little scared,” Eddie admitted, “My mom’s all I’ve ever known.” 

“That’s not true,” Richie said, “Because you know me.” 

Eddie smiled. “That makes me brave enough to do it. To leave her.” 

“I think you’re the bravest person in the world,” Richie told him. 

“You do?” Eddie replied. 

“You’re the bravest person in the world,” Richie repeated, “And I know you’re brave enough to find yourself all on your own. I’ll just be there to hold your hand while you do it.” 

Eddie smiled, and it was his turn to tear up. Hesitantly, Eddie reached forward and grabbed Richie’s hand, holding it tightly in his own and brushing his thumb over the top. 

He was done being afraid. 

He pulled Richie’s hand up and gently kissed his knuckles, softly one by one, and then set his hand back down. 

Richie’s cheeks were bright pink, staring at Eddie in awe with his lip hung slightly open. 

“Richie?” Eddie whispered. 

“Yeah, Eds?” 

“Can you hold me?” 

Richie laid down, opening his arms. Eddie crawled over and settled on him, laying over his chest and snuggling his cheek over his heart. Richie moved his arms and tucked them closely over Eddie, holding him as delicately as he could. He dared to lightly kiss his forehead, and just as he waited for Eddie to push him off, he snuggled in closer. 

“This is my favorite so far,” Eddie said, “My favorite adventure.” 

“We could do this every night, you know,” Richie said, “Find somewhere new to see. Go and see something beautiful.” 

“As long as I could see you,” Eddie said. 

“You will,” Richie said, “You’ll always be with me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Eds.” 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Eddie asked. 

“Because I love you.”

Eddie froze, his breathing halting for a second. 

“I love you, Eddie.” 

Eddie didn’t know what he meant. He didn’t know if he meant he loved him as a friend, or if he  _ loved  _ him. He didn’t know which one, but he knew he felt it too. 

“I love you too.” 

_ Friday, July 3rd  _

One week. 

Only one week until their new lives. 

Eddie had requested to ride to Richie’s house and meet him there this time, because this might be the last time he would ride his bike through the city. After this, Richie was going to have a car and they were going to get far away from there. He might as well spend this last night riding to Richie’s house, for old time’s sake. 

A month ago, he was riding this same path, tears in his eyes from a fight with his mom, turning to Richie for refuge. Now, he was riding to Richie’s again, but he was the happiest he has ever been. He was happy because he was so close to escape, so close to being free, so close to being with Richie forever. 

He was happy because it’s almost time for things in life to turn around. 

He was happy because he was in love. 

_ In love.  _ He was starting to believe that that was the case. He was still confused, and he didn’t know what any of it really meant, but he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life laying in Richie’s arms. Maybe that counted as being in love. 

Finally, he got to Richie’s house, pulling his bike into the driveway. Richie is standing by the gate, tapping his foot anxiously. 

“You okay?” Eddie asked, stepping up to him. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good!” Richie said. 

“So, what’s on the schedule for our last pre-runaway adventure?” Eddie asked. 

“We’re going to go to my backyard,” Richie said. 

“Your backyard?” Eddie asked.

“Follow me, okay?” Richie asked. 

“Okay,” Eddie answered, taking his hand. Richie led him into the yard, walking to the large tree that lived there. 

“Are we going to the treehouse?” Eddie asked. 

“We are!” Richie said, “If that’s cool with you.” 

“Of course that’s cool with me, we haven’t been up there in ages!” Eddie said, and it was true. They were in the treehouse often when they were younger, but it became less common through high school. Eddie had really missed it. 

Following Richie, he climbed up the ladder and into the house. It was the same as he remembered it, just a little more dusty. 

It was perfect, and it was theirs. 

“I don’t think the apartment we get could ever outdo this place,” Eddie laughed, looking around before settling on the floor. Richie smiled, but he looked more nervous than Eddie had ever seen him. He seemed practically paralyzed, his eyes wide and his skin pale, and it was starting to scare Eddie. 

“Richie? Is something wrong?” 

“No, no, Eds, nothing’s wrong,” Richie smiled, “I promise.” 

“Are you sure?” Eddie asked. 

“I’m sure,” Richie said, “Guess what?” 

“What?” 

“I have enough money,” Richie said, “I have enough money to cover the car and just enough to cover the bucket list. When we leave, we’ll need somewhere to stay at a motel at, and I have enough to support us for a little bit. We’ll both go job hunting, and when we have the jobs settled with I’ll start applying for apartments. I’ve built a pretty decent credit. Long story short, we’re going to be okay.” 

“And we’re leaving right on my birthday, right?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah, I have a plan,” Richie said, “After my last shift ends, I’m going to buy the car. After I buy the car, I’ll be headed to your place. You’ll sneak out the way you have been all of these other nights, and we’ll drive a while until I get too tired and we’ll stay at a motel.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said. 

“We’ll stay at quite a few motels on our way to California. They’ll be adventures too. We’re gonna be seeing the whole country and all these new places, it’ll be fantastic Eds,” Richie said. 

“This is so surreal,” Eddie said, “Like, this is actually happening now. It’s all so real.” 

“You can always back out,” Richie said, “If you change your mind.” 

“We promised,” Eddie said. “And I promised for a reason. I promised because I want nothing more than to escape with you.” 

Richie smiled at him, and then his nervousness returned. “So, uh, for our last Friday night here, I brought you up here so I could give you something.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said, leaning against the wall and tucking his knees in. 

Richie reached for a folded piece of notebook paper, handing it to Eddie. 

“Just read it, okay?” 

Eddie nodded, and Richie looked absolutely terrified. It made Eddie nervous, but he held it and began to read. 

As soon as he began to read, he realized what it was. 

Oh.  _ Oh.  _

Eddie continued to read, and with every word his heartbeat grew faster, his fingers started to tremble. His eyes began to fill with tears as he read the final words. 

“Richie,” he looked up, one tear streaming down his face, “You’re in love with me?” 

“I could’ve told you, but I wanted to write it in a letter,” Richie said, “So that you can keep it with you, hold it close at night for the next seven days until I could hold you instead.” 

Eddie held the letter close to his heart, then set it down gently. He stood up, walking a little closer to Richie. 

“I-If you don’t feel that way and you don’t want to do this anymore we could always-” 

Eddie kissed him. 

It was light and a bit awkward, hardly more than a peck. When he pulled away, Eddie put both his hands on Richie’s face, looking into his eyes. Richie looked dazed, but Eddie came to understand that this look was the look of being in love. They were in love. 

He kissed him again. 

This time, it was full of all of the love and passion he contained, holding his face lovingly while he kissed him. Richie kissed him back, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist. They kissed for a while, still trying to get the hang of it. After a while, once they got more used to it, the kissing started to get more passionate, and soon Richie slid against the wall down to the floor, Eddie sitting on his lap and wrapping his legs around him to get better access. They lost track of time, melting into each other and the love they could finally let out, finally letting themselves  _ feel _ . 

Eddie pulled back, his lip slightly swollen from kissing so long, and he swiped his thumb across Richie’s cheek. 

“I’ll love you forever,” Eddie told him. 

“It’s our forever now, Eds,” Richie said, “Me and you. We’re forever.” 

Richie moved to lay down, motioning for Eddie to join him. Eddie was leaning into him the same way he was on the hill, but their legs were intertwined and they were facing each other. Eddie leaned up a little to kiss Richie’s nose, running his fingers through his hair. 

“I’ll hold you every night for the rest of our lives, Eddie,” he told him, “To protect you from bad dreams.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Eddie kissed him again, just because he could. 

_ Friday, July 10th  _

Freedom. 

The feeling of running through the grass with the breeze stroking your cheek, fire in your eyes and the sun in your heart and the feeling of being  _ alive.  _ A strand of hair flying in the wind as you put your head out the car window, eyes closed and absorbing the feeling of moving, of  _ leaving.  _

Eddie could taste it, sitting by his windowsill with his bags around him, finishing the last of the cupcakes that Bev had dropped off for him for his birthday earlier. It was his birthday, and soon he would be riding on open road, on the way to nowhere. On the way to somewhere, that is, but a somewhere he did not yet know. 

A somewhere with Richie. A somewhere built only for them. 

Richie should be arriving soon, headlights welcoming him at the corner of the block, the sound of an engine instead of a bike. He was going to jump in his car, throwing his bags in the back and sitting up front, kissing Richie once, maybe twice, before they were off. They’d be off and so far away, maybe never to return. 

He didn’t mind that. 

He pulled the letter out of his bag, brushing his fingertip along the edges and reading the words again and again. Richie’s love and admiration, everything that made him feel whole. Everything that made him feel like being alive. 

He had slept with the letter through the week, holding it tight with his face pressed against the pillow, because it was the closest he could be to Richie when they were apart. But now, it was the seventh day, and he’s never going to sleep without Richie again. 

He would spend the rest of his nights holding him, being held by him, and no matter what difficulties running away would cause, all of that would be worth it. 

Minutes passed, and there was no sight of a car. Silence rang out on the streets, nothing to comfort him except for a very distant sound of sirens. He didn’t think much of it, because it was Friday night and people tended to drive a little crazy. 

It became half an hour past midnight, and there was no sign of Richie. Richie was late. 

He began to think of reasons of why this could be. Richie could have forgotten a bag and had to go back, or had a delay in getting the car, or taken a little longer to get his last check. There were many reasons for Richie to be late, so Eddie wasn’t scared at all. Mostly, he wasn’t scared because Richie had told him not to worry when he was late. He said no matter what, he won’t leave him there. He’ll be on his way. 

Richie never said anything he didn’t mean. 

So, Richie was late. 

Eddie continued to wait, not leaving the window sill, worried that he might miss him. He read the letter over and over to calm his nerves, so he could feel him there. So he could remember he’d never ever lie to him. 

Time passed. Richie was still late. 

Eddie didn’t quite know how much time had passed, as he had stopped looking at the clock. But he knew it had been some time, because he had lost track of how many times he re-read the letter. He started to grow frustrated. There were many reasons Richie could be late, but he couldn’t think of any that would take this long. 

Somewhere along reading the letter, Eddie started to doze off. 

Later, he drifted back awake, his eyes snapping open, the letter still in his hands and his body still leaning on the windowsill. 

He turned to the clock. 

3:17 A.M. 

Richie was  _ very  _ late. 

“That’s it,” Eddie cursed to himself, gently putting the letter down and crawling out of the window. Maybe Richie’s parents had come home from their trip earlier than expected and he had got stuck at home. Maybe he had simply accidentally fallen asleep. 

There was only one way to find out. 

Eddie jumped on his bike and began to ride. 

The sky was as purple as it had been that one night, the night that he had rode to Richie’s after a fight with his mom, the night these promises were made. He let his gaze drift to the sky, and that gray cloud was back, lingering in the same corner that it had lingered before. It stared back at him, solemn and angry, and he had to look it away. 

He turned his attention to his speed instead. 

Fast, fast, faster. 

As he rode, one of the blocks to the side was completely blocked off. He chose to ignore it, because he didn’t need anything that could slow him down. He needed to get to Richie, and he needed to get to him fast. 

Finally, he reached the house. He practically jumped off his bike, pushing it to the side of the driveway and running to the window of Richie’s room. 

He knocked. “Richie?” 

Nothing. 

“Richie? Are you in there?” 

Nothing. He knocked harder. 

“Richie, please, answer! Where are you?” 

Nothing. 

Eddie ran from the window, heading to the front door. He knew where the spare key was stored, grabbing it and unlocking the door. As soon as he got inside, he jetted to Richie’s room, slamming the door open. 

Vacant. 

Eddie closed the door quietly behind him, slowly making his way to the bed. 

Something hadn’t happened. 

It couldn’t have. 

Something had  _ not  _ happened. 

He was crying, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t even realize until he felt a tear slide across his cheek, and then another. He didn’t understand it, and it was starting to make him angry. Why was he crying? There was no reason to be crying. Nothing was wrong. Something hadn’t happened. 

He slid back into the bed, tucking himself in. Richie would be here soon. Maybe he was caught up at work, doing a late shift, making sure everything was taken care of before he left. That must be it. He must still be at work. 

But he was still crying. 

Baby lay on the other side of the bed, looking as pathetic as usual, but seeing him was Eddie’s greatest comfort. Eddie took the bear into his arms, holding it to his chest as tightly as he could, slightly rocking with Baby in his grasp. He could hear Richie laughing at him, see him smirking from the foot of the bed. 

_ One day, you’ll give Baby the love he needs. _

He cried a little harder, melting into the comfort of the bear, stroking his thumb lightly over his head. 

Something hadn’t happened. 

Richie said it wouldn’t. He said not to ever worry about him. Richie would never lie. 

Richie would never break their promises. 

Sighing, he decided it was time to rest. Richie must be still at work, and he was going to be here soon. He was going to come in here to get his bags and see Eddie sleeping there, tease him for finally giving Baby affection and then kiss him, waking him up enough to get to the car and letting him sleep on the drive. That was what was going to happen. 

He drifted to sleep. 

_ Saturday, July 11  _

Suddenly, sunlight crept through the blinds of the windowsill, greeting him as his eyes slowly opened. 

He was confused at first, trying to remember where he was and what happened. Then, he remembered. He was laying in Richie’s bed with Baby still cuddled close to him, and Richie wasn’t there. 

Urgently, he looked at the clock. 

11:21 A.M. 

And Richie still wasn’t there. 

Eddie groaned in frustration, kicking off the blankets and jumping off the bed. He could not understand why Richie wasn’t there. There was no possible explanation. 

He had no choice but to head to Richie’s work and see if anyone had seen him. Maybe he had fallen asleep there. 

He ran out of the house, getting on his bike and riding to the arcade. 

This wasn’t like any of the last few rides. It was the start of a Saturday, and the town was lively, people laughing and talking through the streets. Their laughing infuriated him. They weren’t supposed to be laughing right now, not when he couldn’t find Richie. Not when everything was so wrong. 

Finally, he reached the arcade. Parking his bike outside, he went in. 

The arcade was flooded with noise, as it always was, and it was digging into his head, making him feel like he was going to burst. He wanted all the noise to stop. He wanted it to be quiet, all quiet except for Richie. 

He wanted to hear him only. 

He walked through a bit further to the desk, and saw Tony, the manager. He had heard many stories about Tony, loud and loving and the world’s best boss, and he just might know something about where Richie is. 

“Excuse me?” Eddie called out, his voice cracking a little. 

Tony turned around, smiling at him. “How can I help you?” 

“Hi, um, I’m sorry if this sounds weird, but I’m a friend of Richie’s and I’m trying to find him. Do you happen to know anything about where he might be?” Eddie asked. 

“Ah, Richie!” Tony smiled, “Sorry kid, but I don’t think you’ll find him around here anymore. He picked up his last check yesterday.” 

“What time did he leave?” Eddie asked. 

“He left here around 11 P.M. He had just got a new car, and proud of it he was. I hope he got some rest, poor kid was so exhausted he was dozing off just standing there. He worked a whole ton of hours this week,” Tony sighed. 

Eddie nodded, trying to let his words sink in. “Thank you for your help.” 

Before Tony could respond, Eddie was pacing out of the arcade, jumping on his bike and zipping out of there as fast as he could. 

He didn’t know where to look. He didn’t know what to do. The only thing he could do is go back to Richie’s and try to think of what he can do better. 

When he got to Richie’s, there was a car in the driveway. Richie’s parents had come home early. There were other cars too, all parked around the house.

Eddie smiled, knowing he might get an answer. He dropped off his bike on the driveway and knocked on the door. 

A few minutes later, it opened. Eddie looked up excitedly, his eyes widening. 

Richie’s father had answered, but he didn’t look himself at all. His eyes looked empty, his face fallen, every ounce of energy void from his body. Eddie’s face fell at seeing him, and he just looked at Eddie for a second, not a trace of emotion on his face. 

Just as Eddie opened his mouth to speak, Richie’s father turned around, walking in the other direction without a word. But he left the door wide open, so Eddie carefully inched himself inside. 

He froze in place when he heard it. 

He had never heard Richie’s mom cry. Everytime he had seen her, she had been so full of energy and light, much like her son. He never ever would imagine that he would hear her cry.

But he walked closer to the living room and saw her sobbing on the couch, two women who he recognized as Richie’s aunts holding onto her. 

He stepped closer, his footsteps growing heavier and heavier as he moved. Then, he was standing as close as he could to her, and she looked up and noticed. 

“Eddie?” she asked. 

“Maggie, where’s Richie?” 

She started crying harder. 

Eddie didn’t understand. Why was everyone crying? Why wasn’t Richie here? Why wasn’t anyone telling him what was going on? 

One of Richie’s aunts squeezed Maggie’s shoulder and sat up, loosely grabbing hold of Eddie’s wrist and leading him to the kitchen. He remembered this aunt. He had went to all of Richie’s family parties growing up, and this aunt was always especially fond of him. She always told Richie about how lucky he is to have someone as wonderful as Eddie to be putting up with him. 

“Where’s Richie?” he repeated. 

“Sweetheart, can you sit down for me?” she asked, her voice tender and soft as if he were a small child. 

Eddie sat down, looking at her with tears streaming down his face. 

Why the fuck was he crying?

“Where’s Richie?” he said again. 

“Eddie,” the aunt took a breath, “Richie was involved in an accident.” 

Eddie was silent, just staring back at her. 

“Late last night. He was driving very fast and crashed into a tree. Witnesses say they think he fell asleep at the wheel.” 

“Okay,” Eddie answered, “So where is he? The hospital?” 

“Baby,” she wiped her own tears, “He didn’t survive the impact. It was instant.” 

Eddie let himself glance to the floor, kicking his shoes back and forth. 

“I’m so sorry that I have to tell you this,” she cried, “I’m so sorry.” 

“He’s okay,” Eddie said, “He’s okay. Nothing happened. He told me not to worry about him, he’ll always be okay. He’s just late. He wouldn’t leave me. He’s okay.” 

“Eddie-” 

“No, no, you don’t have to be sorry. You don’t understand,” he rambled, but his voice was breaking, “He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t lie to me, never ever. He’s okay.” 

Eddie sat up, rushing out of the kitchen. He ended up in the living room again, where the other aunt was consoling his sobbing mother. 

She was in hysterics, and he couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying. He wanted to comfort her, tell her that Richie’s okay and would be back soon. 

But then, he understood something she said. 

“My baby’s dead. He’s dead.” 

_ Dead.  _

The words snapped deep into his head, stabbing a dagger into his heart and twisting it, and suddenly he had the chills over his whole body, and he was shaking so hard but he didn’t even realize it. He couldn’t think anymore, could barely see anymore, that word just drilling deeper and deeper into his head. 

_ Dead.  _

He turned around, running as fast as he could out of that house. He didn’t even bother getting his bike, just  _ running.  _ He ran as fast as he could in an unknown direction, zipping through the streets. 

“He’s okay,” he kept repeating to himself. 

_ Dead.  _

“He’s okay….” 

_ Dead.  _

“He’s okay!” 

_ Dead.  _

“He’s fucking fine!” 

_ De-  _

He tripped over a bump in the sidewalk, sending him face first in the ground. The pain snapped him into reality, and he felt blood pouring out of his nose. He moved his hand to cover it and then looked at again, the blood dripping over his fingers. 

The sharp throbbing in his nose and the warm blood on his hand snapped him back to reality, and the world was spinning even faster now, but it was starting to make sense. He was starting to understand. 

Richie wasn’t okay. 

Just  _ dead.  _

He didn’t know what happened next, everything fading so far away that he couldn’t even tell where he was anymore. He might have been screaming, might have been sobbing, in reality a mix of the two. He cradled into his body on the pavement, his bloody nose staining the neck of his t-shirt, and he broke. 

_ Saturday, July 18th  _

It had been a week since Eddie had spoken. 

He hadn’t spoken to his friends. They had come to his house, but he wouldn’t come out. He felt a little bad about it, because they were hurting too, but he didn’t want to speak anymore. He didn’t want to speak ever again. 

He had went home, but he hadn’t spoken to his mother either. She had howled and cried outside his door, but he kept it locked and laid on his bed staring at the wall, tuning it out until she gave up and slinked away. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to hear her ever again. 

But today, he had to see everyone. As much as he wanted to disappear, he couldn’t miss the funeral. 

Maggie had contacted him and let him know that she wanted Eddie to sit in the front with her. So now, he was in a stupid suit and standing outside waiting to be picked up. 

The same aunt who had told him the news was waiting for him, and he sat inside her car. He nodded his head slightly to greet her, but didn’t say a word. She didn’t push. 

He really didn’t want to see his friends. He didn’t know why, and he felt like he may be a bad friend for it, but the thought of being face to face with them made him nauseated. He was glad he got to sit in the front row because it would be harder for them to approach him. He hoped to get through the whole thing without saying a word. 

The first part of it goes by in a daze, people he knew and people he didn’t greeting him as he gave them a half-assed response. He knew his friends were there, he could hear Bev crying, but he couldn’t look. He didn’t want to look at her. 

Everyone was in line to walk up to the coffin, and he hadn’t looked up. He didn’t want to see that big stupid picture of Richie displayed next to it. 

Then, it was his turn. It was his turn, and he was standing in front of the coffin, and he froze. His fists were clenched and his body was shaking, a drop of sweat dripping down his forehead. For the first time in seven days, he felt something. 

He was fucking pissed. 

“Hey Richie,” he said, mumbled under his breath at first, “You know what a promise means, right?” 

No response. Of course there was no response, because Richie was fucking dead and wasn’t ever going to respond again. 

“You promised me,” he said, still hardly above a mumble, “You said you’d be with me forever. You said you were gonna hold me every night, you were gonna spend your life with me. We were gonna do all those things. We were gonna get a shitty apartment. What happened to all that, huh?” 

Then, he wasn’t mumbling anymore. 

“Fucking liar!” he exclaimed, “You fucking promised, Richie! You promised me! You promised and then you left me, you fucking left me! You lied! You  _ lied _ ! You motherfucking liar! How could you do that to me? How could you? Fuck you!  _ Fuck you _ !” 

He felt hands on his shoulder and could hear the voices of his friends rushing over, but he brushed whoever’s hands off of him and darted out. He was a fucked up person for leaving the funeral early, but he didn’t care. Richie lied. 

He ran all the way home, slamming the door open and completely ignoring his mom’s protests as he made his way to his room, slamming the door closed and locking it behind him. 

He opened the drawer to where the papers Richie had gave him, the letter and the bucket list. The stuff Richie had gave him to hold onto until he saw him again. 

But he was never going to see him again. 

He grabbed the bucket list, tears streaming down his face as his eyes glazed over Richie’s handwriting. 

“Bullshit,” he cursed, “This is all a bunch of fucking bullshit!” 

He ripped the list into pieces, his tears growing more rapid with each tear, until it was nothing but a bunch of pieces. He threw them into the waste bin and turned back to see the letter.

He was so angry, angrier than he ever had been, but looking at the letter made him sob. It was hard to see, everything so sharp and red and blurred, his teardrops staining the piece of paper. 

“Liar,” he said, “Fucking liar. You left me. You promised. You fucking lied!” 

He crumbled the letter into a ball and threw it across the room. 

As soon as he saw the ball of paper hit the wall, he fell to his knees, sinking into the carpet and sobbing just as hard as he did on the pavement when he found out. He heard his mom yelling, but he didn’t care. He could hardly hear anything except the racketing of sobs, his entire body trembling.

He lied. 

_ Sunday, July 26th  _

Time had become some sort of an illusion. 

Eddie spent his days asleep, or awake with an empty stare at the ceiling, and he never bothered to look at the clock. The only thing that told him what time it was was the amount of light creeping in from the blinds of the window. But this time, it was the middle of the night, and his eyes were cracked open. His heart was beating fast, his fingers anxiously tapping against the blanket. 

He wasn’t very angry anymore. 

Instead, his heart had this hurt that he could never even fathom before, a sinking feeling that made him feel like he was drowning and burning alive at the same time. It carved into him as he fell asleep, and as the days passed that he lived with it, he began to think about it more. 

Richie would never lie to him. 

Throwing off the blanket, he walked to the other side of the room, turning a lamp on. There, in the corner, was the balled up piece of paper. 

Slowly, he stepped forward, reaching to grab it. 

He opened it back up, trying to smooth it out the best he good. He hated himself for trying to destroy it. He hated himself for that deeper than anything he had hated before. 

But it could still be read. 

_ Eds,  _

_ So, who would’ve thought we’d end up here, huh? Not me. Well, I mean, maybe. It was always in my wildest dreams to write you a letter declaring my deepest love for you with the intention to actually send it. It’s not the first time I’ve wrote something like this, not by far. I’ve spent years writing this for you, over and over in all of my notebooks, thinking of different ways to tell you. I honestly thought I never would.  _

_ But now, I know the time is right. God, Eddie, you have always made my heart burst, but now I think it’s fair to say I’m fucking in love with you. Everytime I hear you laugh, I know that I’d do absolutely anything to hear it again. Fuck, I’d die if it meant you could always be happy. I’d do anything to see you smile, Eds. Absolutely anything.  _

_ The past weeks that we’ve spent on adventures have been the best of my life. Any moment that I can spend with you makes me think, makes me know, that everything is going to be alright. Everything will always be alright as long as I can hold you.  _

_ I’m in love with you Eddie, and I want to spend my entire life with you, if that’s okay with you. I want you to hold this tight, because even for the moments we are separated, I will always be here with you. No matter where you go or what you do, I’ll be right there with you.  _

_ Love, Rich  _

Eddie held the letter close to his chest, holding it against his heart as tight as he could. He couldn’t believe he had thrown this out. Richie would never mean to leave Eddie. He would never have meant that. 

He could write him back. Richie may not be able to read it, and especially not respond, but he could feel it. Eddie knew he could feel it. 

So, he sat down and he wrote. 

_ Rich,  _

_ I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I know you would never leave me. I know you would never lie to me like that. I didn’t mean anything I said. I know you’d never hurt me.  _

_ I don’t understand yet how I’m going to survive without you. Feeling you holding me made life worth living, and seeing your smile is what made me believe that nothing could ever get in the way of our forever. I guess you could say I was wrong, but maybe I wasn’t.  _

_ You told me to hold this letter tight when you aren’t here, so I could still feel you with me even when you weren’t. I still have this letter. I can still do that. You’re not with me now, but that doesn’t mean forever. I don’t know what I believe happens after death, but I know that I can still feel you, so there must be something. There’s not a single universe where we aren’t meant to be together. That means when I go, I’ll be with you again. Soon, you’ll hold me again. Just not now.  _

_ For now, I have this letter to hold onto. And I have some promises that I have to keep. For us. I’m sorry I ripped up the bucket list. I wasn’t in a good place. But I never did throw it out. I could pick up the pieces and glue them back together, and it’ll be all fixed. You may not be with me to do them physically, but I can still do them. You can still be there with me.  _

_ Your mom contacted me and said I could have anything I want of yours. I haven’t gotten back to her yet, but I know what I need to do. I’m gonna get Baby, because you were right. I do love that ugly thing. I love him very much. And I’m going to get the money you had for the trips. I’m going to get a job, and I’m going to get a car, and me and Baby will go on them. We’ll go for you.  _

_ I told you I’ll love you forever, and I meant that. There is no one else I could ever love as deeply as you. And I know our forever isn’t over yet. I’ll see you soon.  _

_ You told me you would protect me from bad dreams at night, but now my dreams are so special to me. It’s when I can see you. It’s when I could hold you. It’s when I could be with you. So, until then, I’ll see you when I fall asleep.  _

_ Love, Eds _

He folded the paper next to the other letter gently, the tears still silently falling down his face. He couldn’t give it to Richie, but he knew Richie could hear his words. He felt him. 

After writing the letter, he crawled back into his bed. He meant every word he said. He was going to do everything he said. 

He promised. 

But until then, he let himself fall asleep, where he could feel Richie again. The only place he could feel him. 

Until the next forever, that is. 

And as he fell asleep, for the first time in so long, as he was daydreaming of his laughter and his smile and his warmth, he smiled. 

**Author's Note:**

> when Richie crashed he was listening to Nicki Minaj. He is a stoner and a barb.


End file.
